Parenting Guru

Stage 1: Me, have kids? Really?

“Shall we start a family, darling?” The biological clock ticks, the maternal instinct weighs heavy. Seeing babies everywhere prompts a sigh, “isn’t she so cute?”. All helped of course by the tiresome chore called “making babies”.

Phase 2: Heavy with Child

You missed your period and are trying to decipher your home preganancy test. Are you pregnant? Wow! A sweet baby face could be on its way. You ponder this as you run to the bathroom yet again.

A few months later and you know all about those kicks – and the elbows. Plus backache, piles, swollen ankles, varicose veins – who was responsible for getting you into this state????

Baby arrives with loud fan fare. You swear at your husband and swear you can’t take the pain of giving birth ever again. You spot her cute grin and your heart melts.

Stage 3: Your life has changed forever.

Sleepless nights, sore nipples, dieting to lose all those extra pounds. Meanwhile, the little darling can do no wrong. Look! She smiles! And she has discovered her toes! I wonder if they really taste so good?

First time: sitting, crawling, standing, walking. First word, First solid food. First potty. First full blown, lie-on-the-floor-and-kick-the-feet tantrum. Each a major achievement to celebrate.

You sing nursery rhymes that give way to watching TV instead.

First kindergarten or school: a mixed blessing. Where did my baby go?

Phase 4: Playing outside and with friends

She is no longer your little baby. She goes to school. She wears a uniform that makes her look so independent.

The bathroom humor surfaces. Who knew relieving one’s self could be so funny.

Common “firsts” evolve to the first best friend and the first time facing rejection. She loves to run around the playground and ends up with bumps and scrapes. She realizes that life is not always fair.

You have to let go, but desire to save them from any harm in the world.

Phase 5: Time for academics

Time to put the play aside for a moment. There’s letters and sums to learn. For some, it is just a walk in the park, for others it is climbing Everest. It is at this time that the differences between children become apparent. Those with easy kids can’t see what all the fuss is about, yet for others it is the beginnings of years of stress, worry, tears and heartache.

She can be tough to deal with, but she is sweet when she asks for a pony for Christmas.

Remember they are not babies. They need to follow rules and do their chores.

Phase 6: Almost a teenager

They hit puberty and their body will be changing every day. Girls and boys don’t spend time with each other. Girls think boys are icky and gross.

Your personal style will not be cool no matter what. No one wears the clothes you have in your wardrobe and your daughter will tell you this every day.

Your daughter says popular words that you don’t understand.

Their voices go up and down. Your daughter is embarassed and proud to shop for her first bra.

Phase 7 – “Kevin goes Large”

Suddenly boys and girls are not so alien after all. Does (s)he fancy me?

Suddenly too, your precious child, whom you taught everything, knows more than you. In fact, you apparently, know nothing, and they knows everything!

Parents are out, friends are everything. So is music and fashion. And late nights. “Aw mum, why do I have to be back so early – everyone else is staying until 3 am!” Oh yeah? Are they really?

But, every now and then, you can have an amazing conversation with your new young adult – as long as you aren’t trying to lecture them.

Then, one day, the fireworks settle. The grunts turn into English again and like a phoenix from the ashes, and new (adult) human emerges – full of ideals and dreams and visions, but perhaps a bit short on confidence and wisdom.

Phase 8 (well, who said I could count?)

Your daughter has gone to college. You worry about her everyday. Did she have a good dinner? Are her clothes clean?

“I’ll love you, forever. I’ll like you, for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be” – Robert Munsch

Life is short. Enjoy moments with your children whenever you can.

Get Dr. Noel Swanson’s free child behavior newsletter – it’s packed with expert advice! Every parent should also have a copy of his highly acclaimed book, The GOOD CHILD Guide. For more articles on parenting visit here.

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