Parenting Guru

Let’s begin by removing some misconceptions related to toilet training. Many parents seem to consider potty training as a criterion to judge their child’s brightness and their own smartness. Nothing can be farther than the truth. If you try to potty train your child before he/she is ready for it, you will be a nervous wreck, and you will traumatize your child.

There is a time for everything in nature. The less you tamper with it the better it is for you and your child. Your child will be ready for it one day and then the whole process will be more natural, much easier, and less stressful. Don’t compare your child with the neighbor’s child. It proves nothing.

Parents should never compare children because every child is different. Not many toddlers are genuinely toilet trained before the age of 20 months. The girls start at around the age of two and boys around the age of three. Almost all children are toilet trained by the age of 4. Some continue with bedwetting till the age of 5. This should put you at ease. You have no need to be in a hurry to toilet train your little toddler. If you force it before he is ready, there will be problems like soiling that can continue for many years into the future.

Nevertheless, you have to make an effort to prepare your child for the great Potty Training Experience. Here are some tips to know when he or she is ready to start and how to go about it.

1. Before you start with potty training, it is important for your child to be familiar with the body parts, their functions, and the names you use as a family. Every family has its own names. So, it really doesn’t matter what names you give as long as everyone knows what they mean.

2. It is a good idea to let the child see you or other family member, of the same sex, using the toilet. Again, it’s a misconception that it will traumatize the kid. No, it won’t – unless you make a big thing of it. If you are natural your child will consider it natural as well. Talk about it in a mature manner so that it becomes a target to achieve when they are grown up. Toddlers are imitating grown-ups all the time. And, this will instill a sense of anticipation and desire to be like them. You may allow your child to flush the toilet; it helps to get them used to the whole process.

3. As the time approaches for starting the toilet training, get the potty out and leave it in a visible place. Make sure she knows what it is, and what it is for but, again, talk in terms of “one day you will be able to use this”.

How to know when the child is ready? Look for these signs:

1. The time will come when he will tell you when he is wet or dirty. Change his diaper immediately to give a clean and dry feeling as against being wet and dirty. Soon he will come and tell you that he needs a diaper change. Make sure you do it straight away and offer a lot of praise.

2. Can she physically manage the potty? That is, can she pull off her own diaper (the elasticated pull-ons are great for this), can she sit on the potty without falling off? Can she walk/run quickly to the bathroom? At the beginning children don’t get a lot of warning so problems with getting to the bathroom and getting clothes off may lead to more accidents and more frustration. Maybe better to wait another month or two.

3. Can she follow directions and instructions? Can she, for example, carry out an instruction to take a piece of tissue and throw it into the toilet? If not, or if she stubbornly refuses, then that probably needs to be addressed first.

4. Are there signs of developing bowel and bladder control? For example, are the bowel motions settling into a clear pattern such as twice a day after meals? Are stools firm and well formed? Is she able to stay dry for several hours at a time? If not, she may not be able to contain herself long enough to get to the bathroom. On the other hand, also make sure that she is not straining or experiencing pain on passing a motion as that can lead to deliberate witholding and a whole host of problems that can become very intractable and long term. She may need a change of diet to make the stool softer and easier to pass.

5. As part of the preparation for toilet training, remove all negative notions about potty from your child’s mind. Some children have fears about flushing water or falling into the potty. You need to address these first. Your child should be looking forward to the day he can use a toilet like a grown up.

Once all these signs start to come together, she is probably ready to get started. When you do, remember to keep it all positive! Rewards for success, “oh, well”, not punishments, for failures.

Good luck!

Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting advice on his website – you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. You can also meet with other parents on a parenting forum.

Visit our parenting article directory for a completely unique version of this article.