Parenting Guru

The problem is that children don’t arrive with an owner’s handbook.

Which is tragic, really, since they are probably the most complex and difficult items that we ever need to manage. Even more tragic when you realize that parenting is the single most important job in the world – the fate of entire communities, nations and continents depends on the quality of parenting that the children receive.

Most parents get by. Their kids grow up and also get by. They live average lives in average communities, and raise the next generation to do the same.

But in an increasingly complex society, is that good enough?

First, if average is average, then half the population are below average. We see the results of that all around us – crime, poverty, prostitution, homelessness, child abuse and so on. And we see the cycles of depravation repeated from one generation to the next. As ineffectual parents pass on their lack of skills to their children.

But suppose we could rase that level of “average”? Suppose we could give all this new generation some new skills so that when they become parents they have something better to pass on to the next generation? Wouldn’t that result in a better outcome for ALL of us?

Second, in a multi-cultural, complex society we need ever better leaders. Men and women who are “whole” – not bogged down by insecurities, hurts and fears that result in corruption, hidden agendas and selfish ambition. We need leaders, in all areas of society, not just politics, who have a capacity for love, generosity, compassion and tolerance. From where do such qualities come? From growing up in secure, loving, and confident families, that’s where.

Third, look to your own family. Look at how you were raised. Most likely your parents did the best they could, yet I am sure you can see areas in which they failed – with resulting hurts and insecurities that have bogged you down for your entire life. You don’t want to pass that on to your children, but are you really any better informed about the process of bringing up children than your parents were?

But how can we teach them all that unless we ourselves have been taught? And if all that we have been taught comes solely from what our own, fallible, parents passed on, and from what we have, by chance, picked up from movies, TV, and our friends and neighbors, is it not surprising that the raising of our own children becomes a rather hit-and-miss affair?

So why is it that the idea of getting some training as a parent is so repugnant to most people? Why is there such a social stigma to the idea of admitting that, when it comes to raising kids, we don’t know it all?

Isn’t that just shear madness? In every other area of life we pay good money and invest many hours of time to get the training we need to learn new skills. Yet when it comes to raising our own children, we think we can just make it up as we go along?

Isn’t it time we moved on from that? Isn’t it time that the normal expectation would be that people take parenting training at various points along the journey, just as the normal expectation, now, is that expectant mothers take ante-natal classes?

Such ante-natal advice and help has had a major impact on the health of newborn babies. Isn’t it reasonable to expect that widespread parenting advice and help would raise the health of our society and our world?

To bring it closer to home, take a look at your own life? If you have children, are you doing the best you can? How do you know you are? You don’t know what you don’t know, so if you have not had some teaching, how can you know that you are doing all you can to inspire and motivate your children? That you are adapting your behavior to match their temperament so as to best give them confidence and teach them responsibility? Wouldn’t it be worth to spend a bit of time and money to read some books, attend a seminar, or watch a DVD so that you can understand them even better?

And what are your children learning? How will they learn about child development, the formation of character, and the instillation of morals? The right, and wrong, way to use punishments and rewards so as to help, and not harm, their own children?

Do you not think that something this basic should be taught in school, along with the three R’s as a vital life skill?

So, when you are next watching some horrific human tragedy – a murder, rape, or suicide – unfold on the news, ask yourself, “could we have prevented this by giving that person’s parents and grandparents better parenting skills, advice, and guidance?”.

Then go and get yourself a parenting book. Read it. Discuss it with your friends. You might be amazed at what you discover!

Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting advice on his website – you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. You can also meet with other parents on a parenting forum.

Feel free to grab a unique version of this article from the Uber parenting article directory