Parenting Guru

It dawned on me that there are
some things worth mentioning around ‘motivation’ – how to access it and how to
maintain it.  Here are my top 5 tips:



1.  Listen to uplifting music

Whether it’s Mozart, Motorhead or Musicals, if you have a piece (or pieces) of
music which makes you feel great and inspired when you listen to them, make a
resolution to up-the-ante and get them on the stereo a little more often!

2.   
Invest in some motivational audios

These are great for listening on your personal stereo or ipod when you have
gap-time (on the bus, in the car, while you’re walking).  I recommend some
of the audio material from JackCanfield.com and from TonyRobbins.com. 
Like me, they’re professionals of the human potential movement and their
material will give you a whole new opportunity to frame your life in a rich
way.



3.    Spend time with ‘positive friends’

How many times have you felt down, headed over to a great friend’s house for a
tea and a rant, and you’ve come away feeling positive, bright and ready to face
the world – head held high?  Make a mental note of who these people are
and actively choose to spend a little more time with them each week.



4.    Stretch your holiday excitement

Having an exciting occasion for you and the children to look forward to
together

is so much more than just the holiday itself.  I often count down to a
holiday (or even a weekend away or a mini-break to see family) as far as 30
days beforehand with my daughter.  It makes the magic and excitement of
the event stretch to positively enhance a greater percentage of our lives, and
at no extra financial investment.



5.    Eat fresh healthy food

It’s a proven fact that fresh fruit and vegetables will contribute positively
to our physical and emotional selves.  The more resources we give our
body, the less energy it has to spend managing ‘excess’ (these might be excess
carbohydrate, fat, sugar or salt … just say ‘no’!).  Play to your and your
children’s advantage by gradually dialing up the ‘fresh’ part of your diet and
watch how this gradually enhances your positive mood management!

Jennifer Broadley is a qualified executive coach and the
founder of www.SuccessfulSingleParenting.com

For more information and a FR*EE Special Report  “ The 5 Secrets for Successful Single
Parenting” visit: <a href=http://www.successfulsingleparenting.com target=_blank>www.SuccessfulSingleParenting.com</a>

Nurturing young and susceptible children and gently pushing them towards the right direction is a daunting task for any parent. After all, parenting young children is no child’s play. This is more so because a young child looks up to his parents and unconsciously emulates them. His notion of his own identity is formed on the basis of his interaction with his parents. If this experience has been a positive one, the child will have a strong sense of worth whereas if it has been negative, the personality of the child is directly impacted. Almost all children learn good habits and behavioral traits from their parents and the roots are planted when the child is very young.

Many parents ignore the developmental needs of their young children because they are too busy with their own lives and find it difficult to invest some effort into understanding the psyche of their young child. This is all the more crucial as delving into the mind of a younger child presents more difficulties than with older children. A young child may not be able to articulate his thoughts very well and so communicating with adults can seem like a gigantic task for them. So, it becomes very imperative when parenting young children that you are involved pro-actively with their lives right from the initial stages. Listening to them, telling them stories and dedicating quality play time with them all are steps that you need to include into your activity chart.

Children instinctively sense the involvement and hence feel protected and wanted, and this helps them flower into confident little individuals who are eager to make their presence felt. There are many parents who over-react when their children misbehave and start blaming themselves or their child for the way he or she has turned out. This is a grave mistake. By casting aspersions on your child and magnifying the incident into a huge event, you are making your young child feel extremely guilty whereas the actual occasion in the first place may not have warranted such a reaction. If you are a parent who has fallen into this trap, try and be moderate in your dealings with your child.

It is enough that your child realizes the errors that he has made. There is no need for him to wallow in guilt. Parents who habitually make a mountain out of a molehill are in reality lowering the self-esteem of their child. If you, as a parent have a tendency to do so, it is time to take a reality check and do some serious thinking. Are you a bit of a control freak yourself? Do you have a rigid streak in you that panics at the slightest indication of your plans going awry? If so, your young child may be in for a hard time and you may be on the way of being labeled a ‘bad parent’. This is not what you want, is it?

So, communication is the key when it comes to parenting young children. You may not always get the response that you desire and your child will persist in behaving disobediently for a while. This does not mean that your throw in the towel and write your child off as a bad case.

Perseverance is very important when dealing with a young child. You could also try innovative ways of interacting. You need to realize that talking to a six or seven year old and expecting him or her to understand your logic may not always work. Keeping this in mind, you need to tone down your expectations and communicate with your child in a way that he or she can relate to.

Most importantly, you need to be the role model for your young child. When parenting young children, actions can speak more effectively than words. The phrase ‘Practice before you preach’ was never truer than when dealing with young and impressionable kids. If you say one thing and then do just the opposite, your child will be very confused and most probably remember what you did rather than what you said. This also applies to your child’s ability to use language. If you are polite and considerate when conversing with others, you are more likely to have a well-mannered child on your hands.

On the contrary, if you send conflicting signals when parenting young children, they may easily look to external influences and factors to guide them in their behavior. Since their capacity of discernment has not been honed, most young children pick up the wrong clues from peers and other sources around them and the end result can be very stressful for you as a parent. The only way to avoid such a possibility is to empathize with your young child and openly express your approval at those moments when your child deserves it. Also, do not set the bar too high when it comes to your definition of positive behavior and actions.

This has to be coupled with a practical attitude towards your child’s mistakes. Most of us are over-protective when parenting young children since we feel they are too young to face the slings and blows of outrageous fortune. However, you need to understand that your child is never too little to explore life on his own and make the mistakes that will help him grow as a person. When your young child stumbles along the path of life, never discourage him. The ideal thing to do is to spur him on to try better things and inculcate the belief that failure is the first step towards success. Discarding the fear of failure is a great gift that you can bestow to your child and he or she will always thank you for it.

If you punish or scold your child frequently for taking risks in life, he will always fear trying out new things. Your child does not have the maturity to encompass the reasoning that lies behind your castigation. Gradually, fear might form the basis of your relationship and this will prove very detrimental when your child grows into a teenager.

When raising young children, a great quality that you can incorporate in them is to embrace differences in people rather than scoff at them. We live in a multi-cultural society now and you see so many instances of grown-ups harboring prejudices that were ingrained into them at a tender age. Young children can be shielded from pre-conceived notions that make them wary about other cultures, and parents can be hugely instrumental in bringing about this change.

Remember, even though parenting young children is a great responsibility, the rewards can be very satisfying if you go about it with patience, discretion and plenty of love.

Anger is a normal emotion that everyone feels sometimes. Although anger is normal, the intensity of the emotion still worries parents. In truth, there is nothing wrong with feeling angry. It is the expression of that anger that can be problematic and cause problems in behavior.

Most of us have experienced the physical response of the body to anger. Children as well as adults feel the increase in heart rate, adrenaline rush, and feelings ranging from annoyance to extreme frustration, depending on the level of the anger. Parents can help children learn to manage these feelings and control how anger is expressed.

The goal in helping kids manage anger is not really to stop the feelings of anger because that is not going to be effective or even desirable. Think of it as helping your child recognize the feeling of anger in the body. When they are able to recognize these feelings, they can make changes in the behavior that results from anger, rather than lashing out.

It is important to note the difference between controlling the response to anger and suppressing the angry feelings. Avoid teaching your child to suppress anger because this can resurface later as aggressive behavior.

As in teaching manners and other skills, anger management can be taught by example. Consider a situation where the parent openly expresses anger by screaming at a spouse or children. What will happen when the children become angry with each other? They will often exhibit the behavior they witness in a parent.

Parents have the opportunity to teach anger management by example. It is OK to talk about your anger and how you are coping with these feelings. For example, explain why you are angry and let your kids see how you cope by taking a walk, bath or other calming activity. Also, show how you deal with the cause of the anger in a constructive way to help them learn effective techniques.

Keep in mind that the time to discuss anger and anger management techniques is not when your child is in a rage. They don’t even hear you and cannot process what you are telling them. It is like trying to reason with a toddler in the midst of a temper tantrum. It won’t work.

Wait until a quiet time and start talking. Show love for your child, and reserve judgment. If you are prone to anger, talk about that. Talk about how you work to deal with anger in a way that is not harmful or hurtful. Working together as a family on this problem will bring you closer together and bring your child further along the path to self discipline and control.

When in the middle of the situation, acknowledge their anger, but don’t accept the associated negative behaviors. Stop dangerous or harmful behavior. If the child is breaking things, throwing things, hitting others or fighting, it is time to intervene. A brief break from the situation and a few minutes alone can help bring the emotion back under control.

Follow your child’s lead. Does it help her to have you stroke her hair, acknowledge her feelings and gently remind her that she has the power to control her response? Or is she the type of person who needs to be alone for five or ten minutes and the feelings will subside? Do what works best for your child.

Introduce some ideas for relaxation or calming down. This will depend on the situation, personality and age of your child. Some like to go outside and jump on a trampoline or run around the yard and work off the adrenaline that has built up. Other things that may work include playing with a stress ball or koosh ball, playing with playdoh. Counting to ten, walking away and taking a bath can also help.

Older kids may benefit from yoga, relaxation techniques, deep breathing or other anger management techniques often used by adults. Introduce these ideas and try them together at a time when your child is calm. Make some suggestions, follow their lead and work together to find a solution.

There are cases when children or teens repeatedly experience extreme anger and have related behavior problems. Situations such as this may require professional help. Anger management classes or counseling is effective for learning new stimulus-response patterns and recognizing and eliminating old patterns. Sometimes this is effective for older kids and teens and helps them learn to deal with their anger, and not carry anger and the habitual reactions into adulthood.

No child is the same and by trying different things you can find what works best for your son or daughter.

For many children daycare, preschool, and kindergarten is the first contact outside of the family with other children. All the lessons about sharing and being nice that Mom and Dad have tried so hard to teach don’t really come into play until they are forced to interact with other kids their own age. When playing on the playground (or in a classroom) children are forced to relearn their social skills in an environment of peers—not adults who will give in to tantrums and sweet smiles. Because of this, a playground can be the perfect place to reinforce lessons taught at home and in school regarding social niceties.

It can also be an important place as it teaches lessons that may not be learned anywhere else. Through experiences such as standing in line for the slide, waiting to use the swings, playing together with toys, and even waiting to talk to Mom, children are able to learn about sharing, patience, and taking turns. Although they may have been taught to share before, having to practice it when playing with another child will teach the lesson much better than listening to Mom repeat it at home. Taking turns on the swing or slide helps children see that the world doesn’t revolve entirely around them. Children will quickly learn for themselves that others will not want to play with them if they are not kind.

Although most children do not have the vocabulary to express these concepts, kindness and niceness are definitely recognized during playtime, and children are naturally drawn to those kids who are nice to everyone. A quick check from the adult in charge usually will also help a mean or selfish child understand how to play nice, not just why.

Occasionally, however, there is more involved than angels playing. Sometimes playgrounds have bullies or manipulative children who can hurt others. Playgrounds are a great place to learn to stand up for oneself. A child is able to stand their ground and explain they don’t like the actions of another, but can still get an adult involved if necessary (there should always be an adult around playgrounds for safety’s sake).

Playgrounds also provide a safe place to learn about how to be social. Children’s conversations can take place, helping communication skills to grow. Moral and ethical lessons can be taught both at the time and afterwards in discussion. An example of this would be when Tony pushed Alice down. Alice has a choice, whether to communicate how hurtful this was to Tony, to push back, or to run to an adult. Alice’s Mom now has the chance to discuss the right thing to do with Alice. This scenario wouldn’t have presented itself without the playground scene.

Apart from these reasons, there are many other benefits of social play on playgrounds, whether at daycares, schools, or parks. Many of these benefits are physical. A child who plays at a playground will quickly learn how he fits into space, the limits and wonders of his own body, and to love being active and fit. These lessons will continue with him throughout his life, and will help him in the years to come. Playgrounds are important to a growing child so that he can grow not only physically, but socially as well.

When cold weather rolls around it is time for those of us with children to start worrying about keeping them warm enough through the winter season. Those individuals who have babies or very young children often worry even more about keeping them warm because they do not have the ability to say when they are cold as the older children do. The fact is, babies and toddlers do not have to be any more bundled up or warm than older kids do but often parents will pile on the clothes just to be sure they are warm enough. Many individuals figure it is better to be to warm than it is to be to cold but this can be very uncomfortable for your child. It is much better to know how to dress babies and young children in advance as well as some additional tips on how to care for babies in cold weather. In the end you will see that it is not much different than caring for other children other than the fact that older children understand the meaning of cold weather and know when they are cold. Here are a few tips for caring for your baby during the cold weather season.

Most importantly if you want to keep your baby warm during the cold weather season you want to be sure to keep his or her head covered. Very small babies are probably easier to keep hats on than toddlers because they can’t take them off but it is important to get even toddlers to wear a hat. The head is where the most heat is lost and a hat will work to hold that heat in and keep your baby warm.

Secondly you want to make sure that your baby has warm socks and shoes on as well. Many new parents just put socks on the baby and toss a blanket over the car seat but it is too easy for baby to get his feet out from under the blanket and get cold. Nice warm baby boots will keep your baby comfortable during the cold weather.

It is also important to keep the wind away from your baby as much as possible. Wind will not only make your baby cold but can also cause earaches as well as other illnesses should your baby be subjected to it. If your baby is still being carried around in a car seat it is easy to toss a blanket over it when you are outside but for babies that are a little older it may be more difficult. A coat with a hood that you can put up when out side will help to block the wind from your baby.

Finally, it is important to remember that your baby does not have to be dressed any warmer than you yourself or older children should be. Over dressing your baby will make him or her uncomfortable and you will surely pay the price for it.

As long as you use common sense when it comes to keeping your baby warm you will have no problem and will get through the winter season with a healthy baby.