Parenting Guru

‘Is there any way forward? I don’t want to destroy my relationship with my kids, so I don’t know what to do.’

The mother sitting across from me in the school’s Guidance Suite was clearly in an emotional turmoil. She was desperately seeking an answer to her problem.

She was a devout churchgoer, but because of the nature of this dilemma, she felt she couldn’t approach her minister.

You see, on her last church visit he had preached on the topic of unsuitable TV shows and how they had a negative effect on the whole community. Top of the list was the ‘soaps’ which seemed to portray nothing but backbiting, infidelity, crime, despair and a host of other less desirable human traits.

As she saw it, this Mum had only two choices: she could turn a blind eye, like lots of people were doing; or she could turn the TV off and forbid the kids to watch these programmes – but that would no doubt make them go elsewhere.

And if she took such a firm and one-sided approach, the kids would rebel and there’d be no hope of keeping them ‘on her side’. Could anything be done?

Most parents have to face this or similar dilemmas from time to time: just how do you cope with explicit TV shows, nasty DVDs, experimentation with drugs and drink when it’s common practice in society? (You can take your pick of the challenge facing your kids.)

For this article, however, let’s stay with the TV shows.

In my experience a heavy approach such as, ‘You’re not watching that stuff here!’, rarely works in the long term.

I hope you don’t think this is a cop-out, just to please the kids and have peace in the house!

There’s no denying the fact that these influences are ever-present, so we must take action. But what can we do?

Well, let’s train our kids to think for themselves and consider the values we want them to have. After all, we can’t be with them all the time. We can’t make them do something, especially if we’re not there.

It makes more sense, then, to impart our higher standards to them.

This can be achieved by an open discussion of the content in these shows.

If a show is downright evil or immoral, then definitely let’s keep it out of our homes. But for the majority that portray a lifestyle or behaviour we take issue with, then let’s view them (with our kids if possible) and have the confidence to open up a discussion about what is being portrayed.

The topics that come up will often centre on a lack of respect for family life, for other people and for society and its customs.

Allow the kids to express their views, but, without hectoring or lecturing, have the courage to tell them why you disapprove – and let them see there are healthier alternatives.

In this way you expose them to higher ideals and teach them to be more discerning. If they witness strong leadership from you, they will be more likely to follow. So when they are away and you have no direct control, you can be confident you will have influenced their responses.

Here’s to your successful parenting!

Keen to develop your parenting skills? Check out Frank McGinty’s ParentingBookGold for a complimentary six-step report and access to vital parenting articles, plus the best parenting book products.