Parenting Guru

2 year olds. Don’t you just love ‘em? Especially when they are rolling around the floor having a good old tantrum. So, are there any tips for making the terrible twos a little less terrible?

To begin with, don’t be taken in by their tiny size and innocent looks. They may not know many things, but there’s one talent they are born with. They know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! And, they will go to any extent to get it – throwing a tantrum is the easiest of them all.

So, the best way to deal with them is to play the game by their rules: Treat them as you would treat an older child. Here are the basics:

A. First, be very clear about what behaviors you will accept and what you won’t. Avoid the non-essentials and focus on the important issues.

B. Talk straight in simple language. Say what you mean, but say it effectively, but don’t go on repeating it. Once you have made it clear, stick by it.

C. If you have spelt out the consequences of not complying with your instruction, carry it out otherwise the meaning of your words will be lost.

D. Another very effective way of getting across something to your two-year-old darling is to use what I call a ‘manners chair’. This is how it works:

Place a small child’s chair in a corner, facing into the room. Tell your child it is the ‘manners chair’ to teach manners when the child behaves badly. Whenever your child fails to do as told, just send him to the chair with words to the effect of: “Oh dear, you seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.”

When the child obeys you and does what you have said, it is evidence enough that he has found his manners. Get busy doing your chores and don’t pay attention to his whining. This will serve a double purpose. You can spend the time catching up with work and he will learn something new.

It is important to keep this little exercise lighthearted lest it weighs heavy on the child’s mind. Try finding their manners for them, for instance. Look for them everywhere and make it into a game. This will prevent any further tantrums and help develop a more positive attitude. It’s good for your nerves too.

Once the manners have been found, you can start from what the child was originally supposed to do, or perhaps apologize for the bad behavior.

Unlike with normal time-out (where it is a clear connection with bad behavior = miss out on fun by being in time out), with the manners chair you CAN ask them to apologize, or otherwise revisit the incident, since the evidence of them having found their manners is a return of compliant polite behavior. If they still refuse, then they clearly didn’t find their manners, so they need to go back to the manners chair and have another look.

You will need to maintain a fine balance between fun and serious correction of behavior. Don’t let it become too much of a game by giving a lot of attention to find their manners. Watch your child intently and act accordingly. If it is getting serious, bring in the fun; if it’s becoming funny, drive home the purpose of the manners chair.

This will help you in more ways than one. You won’t start yelling and losing your temper, which only exposes your weakness to them. And, it helps to put an end to inappropriate behavior. Make sure you remain calm and positive. Let the child feel that you care a lot but there are certain things not admissible, and such acts of misbehavior are an aberration that can be easily corrected to get back to normal life.

Now, what about when you are out in public? The key there, as everywhere else, is that you have to mean what you say, say what you mean, and follow up with action.

So, how do you time out in public? Three options: 1. Sit them down in the aisle and do a kind of “manners chair” in which no one is going anywhere else until he has found his manners.

2. Take them out and do a time out in the car. They are in the car, you are outside, looking AWAY from them. You stand there and you wait patiently until they are quiet. Do NOT respond or get into a “discussion” with them until the tie-out is up.

3. The last resort is to cancel the outing and go home to the manners chair.

The good news is that you will not have to do this too often. Children are quick to learn provided you are firm and consistent. Just remember to stay calm and in control. Losing your temper will only make matters worse.

All this is based on the foundational principles in my book, which can help you handle your toddler positively and pleasantly and save you the guilt of losing it once again.

Dr. Noel Swanson offers free expert parenting tips on his website – you will also find a free chapter to his highly acclaimed book, the GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum?

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