Parenting Guru

Sibling rivalry is found in most families and is not uncommon. Dont stress when your kids fight and argue amongst themselves, it is part of the growing process. This does not always happen in every family but it does happen a lot.

As long as the children have a good relationship and seem otherwise happy, it is nothing to worry about. If sibling rivalry causes unhappiness in a child, this should be dealt with. Ignoring it will not make it go away and it could cause your child problems when it comes to making and maintaining relationships with others in the future.

Reasons for jealousy, sibling rivalry and provocation include:

Jealous or aggressive personalities

A shortage of self-esteem

Lack of social skills

People who have low self esteem are often unhappy with themselves and are in search of validation others. This is especially true family members. As they attempt to find this validation they can become extremely envious of others around them. A person in this situation who also lacks social skills may act up when they are with siblings. He or she may also be provoked easily which is the main cause of sibling rivalry.

Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

When dealing with sibling rivalry that is unhealthy you should do it as indirectly as possible. If you deal with it directly you might make someone think you are taking sides and make the situation worse. The alienated child might feel victimized and then blame you for it and become aggressive.

Tips on dealing with sibling rivalry:

Make sure the child has plenty of attention, love and support.

Spend a little more time with the child that is having the problem, this will give him more self-esteem.

Check the causes for the child’s unhappiness.

Encourage your child to talk to you, but dont yell because this will have the opposite effect on the child.

After difficult situations have blown over discuss them with the child and ask if the child was watching their friends have the same disagreement what advice would they give their friends?

Talk to his teacher at school. Ask for solutions or advice. Remember that teachers have plenty of experience when it comes to dealing with children. You can make a plan with the teacher of how to help the child.

Visit a child psychologist you realize that the situation is out of your scope of control.

At any age a child can start provocation and jealousy. This is usually started in childhood when the child is finding who he is. This might also start when the child hits puberty, adulthood, or adolescence; it just depends on where they live and what kind of life they live. It is easier to deal with if the child is younger because when they grow up and move out they arent going to want your advice.

Sibling Rivalries in adulthood

If you have adult siblings are having a problem that is affecting the whole family it is time to intervene. Here are some ways to intervene:

In a group discussion discuss possible solutions to the sibling rivalry problems. The key is to remain impartial and non judgmental.

You might want to get a third party, perhaps a close friend or spouse, to talk to your child.

Have a third party discuss this with your children. This can be a close personal friend or a distant relative.

If the second sibling is more likely to accept advice, talk to him first. You will need a lot of tact and discretion.

Building self-esteem in your children is not always easy, especially after there have been issues with sibling rivalry. Never give up on getting a good relationship built between your children. Some of the closest siblings didnt start out that way; they had to work through their issues as well. In the end, if you make an honest effort to show your children how to get along and how to treat one another it will work out.

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